


The Voice

by captainspring



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen, beware the voices in your head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 15:11:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14855141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainspring/pseuds/captainspring
Summary: Nobody has ever told Ben that talking to the voices in his head is bad. But then again, even if they did tell him—he would be doing it still.





	The Voice

**Author's Note:**

> “Who may be certain they are convinced of something or not?.. and how often do we mistake a deception of feelings or a fault of a mind for conviction!..”  
> (M. Lermontov. “A Hero of Our Time”)

The Voice whispers to him, _“Ben, he does not understand you.”_

Ben cracks open one eye—just a bit—and looks at uncle Luke through his eyelashes. He sits with his back straight, and his face is calm on the edge of being blissful, peaceful. However, this calmness is a lie; Ben knows that his uncle is anything but peaceful. He is tired, sometimes restless, other times— harsher than he should be. Every once in a while—simply unfair.

_“He will never understand you.”_

The Voice has lived in Ben’s head for several months now. At first, he didn’t pay much attention when this or that thought would differ from his own. Then he got interested. Then he started asking questions. Who are you. What are you doing in my head. What do you want.

Shut up.

But the Voice didn’t shut up. It has never been harsh, or tired, or restless. It was—calm. Truly calm. And Ben started listening to it. In the end, what harm can a simple voice in his head bring to anybody? It’s just a stray thought. Stray thoughts plague everyone from time to time.

Uncle Luke has stray thoughts too.

Sometimes he frowns when meditating. Sometimes, looking at Ben, he would squint and then blink and smile with corners of his mouth. A friendly smile. A cousinly smile. Just like right now, once uncle notices Ben not being concentrated enough, he smiles with corners of his mouth.

“Ben,” he warns.

“I’m meditating, meditating,” answers Ben under his breath and closes his eye.

He hates meditating.

His only entertainment is the Voice. And the Voice talks to him, asks him how is he doing. Asks him, what he has in mind. Why doesn’t he like meditating—because it is boring and stupid, and boring, very, very boring—and what would he like to do instead. People seldom ask Ben what would he like to do. Much more often he gets told what he has to do.

You’re senator Leia Organa’s son, you have to keep your face. You’re Han Solo’s son, you have to be brave. You’re Luke Skywalker’s nephew, you have to become a Jedi just like him.

 _“You are the only one who gets to decide what you have to do,”_ says the Voice once. _“If none of them understand you, that’s their problem. Not yours.”_

Ben pushes himself to sit through the entirety of the evening meditation with sole willpower and rushes back to his quarters after it to drop his clothes and get under the blankets. Uncle Luke considers datapads a distraction so nobody has any. There is nothing to entertain himself with before bed. Except for the Voice.

 _“Would you like to come to me?”_ the Voice asks.

Ben lifts himself on his elbows. Can he do that? The Voice—isn’t just a voice? It’s—somebody? It’s somebody someplace where he can go? To whom he can decide to go himself?

_“I will show you the way.”_

“Yes. Yes, please,” Ben answers out loud and, catching himself on it, drops back onto bed.

_“He doesn’t understand you. But I will.”_

How come the Voice knows it will understand him? Ben frowns falling asleep and wraps himself in a cacoon out of a blanket. He shields himself from the world—from the uncle, from the Voice, from other students, from all “musts” and all “have tos”.

And then the night comes.

When the green light floods the room, Ben holds his breath looking up at uncle Luke with his eyes wide open.

 _“I will understand,”_ the Voice reminds him.

And Ben believes.


End file.
